Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Missing My Mother

This is Grandma Cat with my Kittens. This was taken in April 2007 just after Spud was born and just before her health issues came about.

Well its been a few days. I have been having a rough time for several days. Saturday was my Mother's Birthday, she would have been 82. You see on November 20, 2007 the Lord called my Mother Home. In May of last year she had been diagnosed as having had a stroke. And again in July she was diagnosed with another stroke and doctors wouldn't let her go back to work. Yes, at the young age of 81 my Mother still worked. She loved to be around others, such a people person. And she had a lot of time on her hands with my Dad being gone. Since she couldn't go back to work for three weeks I thought I would bring her up to stay with my family. Sadly after about a week her condition was deteriorating and I took her Rush University Hospital in Chicago. Immediately they had diagnosed her with two brain tumors, she never had a stroke at all, the hospital where she lives had misdiagnosed her. Within four days her thinking skills went dramatically down hill as well as her ability to get around. A few days later the doctors removed a tumor the size of a golf ball, how do you miss a tumor that large is what I would like to know. I feel someone should be held accountable but no one will help. When she came home she made the decision to stay with my family, I feel so blessed that she chose us. It was the love we have for our Lord and the happiness in our home because of it. I know many of my siblings still are very unhappy with me because she made this choice. But I know in my heart that I did what the Lord asked of me and what my Mother asked of me. I feel Mom was a very strong willed person and if she really wanted to go back to her house she would have said so. So after the surgery she actually did really well and was making a big turn around with her thinking skills and mobility. Then she decided to begin chemotherapy and radiation and there was a new drug on the market that was holding some promising results. The down side was doctors needed to remove the second tumor to determine what it was before they could treat. My Mother never re cooperated from this surgery. She was doing better and then on one of our weekly visits to the radiologist he spoke of regret for doing the second surgery due to how it turned out and how well she was doing prior. Because my Mother was not thinking as clearly she had it in her mind he meant she needed a third surgery. She didn't want another surgery and immediately gave up. I just couldn't convince her the doctor was talking about the surgery before and there would be no more surgeries. I think she gave it a good fight. I wouldn't have traded having her with me no matter how much work it was. It provides me with great comfort knowing I got to help her make the journey Home. I wish you could have known my Mother, she was such a giving, loving, faithful person. In those last few months together her walk with the Lord became my walk with the Lord. I never thought my faith could get stronger but it did and still is. My prayer life has increased so much. But I still miss her terribly. We did so much together such as crocheting, crafting, sewing, jewelry, and quilting. My children adored her and she was teaching Thumper and Peanut a little of everything too. We really appreciated everything she did in our lives. I want her back so badly even though I know that is not possible. Losing your Mother is a very difficult thing to explain. It leaves such an empty space in life, that makes life not quite so important anymore. And I know many say oh focus on the happy things you did together. Remember how much she loved me. I do those things but it doesn't make the pain or emptiness go away. I feel robbed, I am only 41. But I feel my children have been robbed of knowing and loving their Grandmother. I guess that's the hard part of being the youngest of nine, ya have babies when Grandma's are getting older. She loved them all and she had such a special place in her heart for Jelly Bean. Thumper has had the hardest time with my Mother's death. But that was something we knew back when my Dad passed. Papa Cat and I would always say we hoped my Mother passed away when Thumper was much older because we knew how hard it would be. They had a very special relationship. So I try move forward, yearning for her hugs and love and taking comfort she is in the hands or our Savior.

So no matter what kind of relationship you have with your parents take the time to tell them just how much you love them. Learn everything you can from them, even learn something new with them. Share your joys and your sorrows. Make them some of the most important people in your life. Spend as much time as you can with them and if children are in your life allow them to be awesome grandparents. Life is too short.


Mama Cat

This is Grandpa and Grandma Cat on their 50th wedding anniversary. Papa Cat and I sent them on an all paid trip to the Grand Ole Opry in Tennessee. Something they had always wanted to do.


Anonymous said...

Hi, I was checking out your soapcutter on ebay. Not going to buy one just now. I was impressed that you have shared so much about your faith and family on the internet. I too am a believer and a sister. How wonderful that we have the freedom to share our faith in this country. The internet can also be a tool for witnessing and getting the message out about Jesus. I too lost my mother when my children were small. It was very painful. I also lost my mother-in-law who was also very special- my second mother. She died of cancer a few years ago. I miss her so much especially at Christmas time. That was her favorite holiday, and she always baked old fashioned cookies, and did so many things for the family at that time. It is very sad without them. It makes us long for the day when our Lord will come back to take us home. Blessings to you and your kittens. Keep being a spokesperson for Him. Maybe some person will accidentally read the messages you have written and God will deal with their heart. Who says the internet can't be used for God's Glory. Amen.

Jeanne Selep said...

Your blog is very moving.

Strangely, I am also one of nine children, only I am lost somewhere in the lower middle. Your comments "So no matter what kind of relationship you have with your parents..." makes me pause... Because I know you are right, but I don't have as close of a relationship with my mom. And because my 87+ year old dad is very hard to visit with, and yet once again, you are right.

I bet everyone who reads a blog such as this takes away a different snippet. I'm not sure what I will take away from your blog, but I do think it will make me a somewhat better person...